Hamara Bajaj & How I saved my brother’s life

Bajaj Chetak is like Maggi Noodles. Almost every middle-class Indian in my generation has some memories associated with it. So, I was saddened to see the news item bidding it farewell forever.

http://beta.thehindu.com/life-and-style/society/article65961.ece

I learned to “drive” on my father’s Bajaj Chetak. Have I told you how brave the men in my life are? Let me explain by example – the simplest method really. I sometimes wonder why these textbooks write pages of theories when all they need is one example.

Situation: I had to learn to drive the scooter.
Tools: New scooter.
Lessons learnt: Each of us had a different story glean from my experience, so bear with me, while I recollect each ones learning.

1) The father learnt later, that it is not a good idea to give a new shiny vehicle to the teenage daughter with no strength and a very wobbly sense of balance. I carry the honour and the burden of the cross, since I broke the rotational gear or some part that makes the gears turn smoothly inside the engine. The parts are a little foggy – my knowledge stops somewhere around petrol tank and gears. Changing gears can be a very tricky business with these bally vehicles, you have to do something with the clutch and gargle the same time as the accelaration and finally cough with the change. All very complex of course, and I remember telling myself that practice was the only way to slap it down. I am trying to jog the memory, but all I remember is changing gears every 30 seconds to see if I still had it in me. Let’s say, I had it me, but Bajaj Chetak did not have it in it – One up for me! *Sticks tongue at Chetak*.

Years later, as it pulled through the steep hills of the Nilgiri Hills, it would sputter and jump from the first gear straight to the third, because it always slid past the second gear. The mechanic, who has never laid eyes on me incidentally, blamed it on changing gears often and unnecessarily.

2) The brother’s lessons were more philosophical than material. He learnt never to volunteer as the human lamppost for a vehicle-challenged dumb-bell. One profound life truth he carries with him to this day is that he loves me, but to love me, he had to live. I feel like a little background story is necessary here. My father stood as post A and my brother stood as post B. We were using a large 400 meter track ground for the purpose with an elevated viewing area. I felt like Androcles driving forth magnificently, sitting majestically on the beaming blue “Hamara Bajaj!” My elder sister stood a good kilometer away egging me on for moral support. Her own bicycle chronicles would fill a blog. She had never tried anything motorized before and beamed with pride as she saw me on the splendid new scooter.

My brother and father stood very close to each other (just about 500 meters apart), in which space I had to maneuvre with great skill and form an ‘8’ shape (a critical move to obtain a driver’s license in India)

I have provided visual representations of the ideal path and the reality for your reference.

The man the brother has become, learnt that it is a matter of seconds before the human pillar stands as a stone pillar frozen in time, run over by the “wheels of learning”. This was the path I took.

To my credit, I saved his life. I gave a blood curdling scream as I hurtled into his path, and he jumped aside, displaying a certain nimble movement that I hadn’t imagined him capable of.

Why did I scream instead of honking the horn? Because, it was a new vehicle and before I could remember to declutch and burp, before applying the brakes, and find the horn (phew!), this seemed easier.

3) My lessons were simple: keep trying, and you will succeed. Thereafter, everytime, I had to take a ride on the scooter, I had to entreat one of the stronger folks to take the scooter out of the stand, kick start it and give it to me. Then, I got to my destination, and implored somebody else to put the stand. When I decided to take the trip back, I had to find a third somebody to take it out of the stand and start it for me. Very simple.

I loved our Bajaj!

Adieu Bajaj! Middle class India will miss you.

Bring me those afternoons again!

I have to tell you – there is something magical about an afternoon nap. I hear the father quipping in the background – “It took you this long to listen to the wisdom that your father has been doling out through the ages?”

The father swears by it, and regularly catches his snores after lunch (even when he worked full-time). He was a teacher who was in charge of the timetable. All he had to do, was to make sure that he had the first period after lunch off, so the rice and the dals could settle down before the buttery biscuits came down with tea. I am convinced of it, if we could read newspapers after lunch, you’d find half of the corporate world gently snoring. But this information age, and the pace of life and all that has taken its toll. One of the finest traditions of life (I meant to say mankind, but who can deny seeing the lions laze in the African heat isn’t peaceful, so, life it is!) to go has been the afternoon nap.

The Saturday dawned wet and rainy. The mind half hoped to not go for the trek up the mountain in the rain. How many people would go for a long hike in the rain and sub-zero temperatures? Those, who see the beacon of hope in the afternoon nap – that’s who! I am sure I could move mountains and shift oceans if I could look forward to the kind of nap I had that day.

The hike had me hungry. My stomach felt like a woman’s handbag. The true capacity of which can only be measured by actually filling things in it. I stuffed myself at an eat all you can salad place (it’s-healthy-coz-its-salad being the general argument), and I groggily made my way home. I felt like a heavily inebriated elephant, which brings me neatly to the question that has been burning in my mind.

We have laws against drunken driving, but nothing to prevent an over-eating sloth behind the wheel. I can assure you heavy eating slows response times. Shouldn’t they have these weighing machines to weigh your food intake and tick you off if you’ve eaten too much?

Anyway, I got home, and the daughter and I slept. Oh….the waves of over-powering sleep. Who was that great guy who called sleep nature’s sweet restorer, or something like that? Call him, and give him a medal! The sleep just poured out of my every pore, and engulfed me in its welcoming arms. It conquered me. The distant sound of traffic faded, and the hum of the heater sang its lullaby in my ear. I woke sometime later, and flopped back for an encore. I wasn’t putting up much of a struggle, because I needn’t have bothered.

I remember having sleeping period in school, when I was about a knee high. (when I was around as high as my current knee is now I mean) The funny thing being, I spent all those precious afternoons whispering and chattering with a girl named Shiny and god-knows-who about worms and wet squishes. Perfect rot, bring me that time, and I’ll show you how I can surpass myself now. That afternoon bears testimony to the fact that I have it in me.

Go Blazing Turtles!

Well I suppose you live your life thinking your blood flows in your veins and all that. I am no physiologist myself, but I know that blood is a viscous liquid and is essential to life as it flows between Point A and Point B. So, imagine my chagrin when my blood froze! I tell you, it is a physical phenomenon that happened to me. Recently. At the California International Marathon Relay that self and a couple of fellow sufferers ran in bitterly cold conditions.

These are the times when I suspect the husband of ulterior motives. Regular readers would remember that he ran his first marathon 4 years ago in Sacramento (the same one). Maybe, he felt I hadn’t gushed enough, or given enough credit for running in the cold. So, we found ourselves under this very man named as Captain running the relay in sub-zero temperatures.

So, here goes: I grant it to him. You were awesome running in the cold like that. I think you were topping old man, just fantastic (lay it on thick, lest he signs me on for some more of these cold-blooded events. Never does any good if you find yourself freezing and running in the whipping icecream maker just because you were a syllable short in the praise is it?!)

The team was christened ‘Blazing Turtles’.

I was the last runner, and was consequently pottering about with nothing to do for a good 3 hours after the race started. To get to the relay exchange point, Oba from Suroba fame, displayed an impeccable sense of direction to get me to the right spot. All she had to do was the exact opposite of what I was telling her to do with the help of a GPS. Voila – there we were. In the right place at the right time. Very simple really. I don’t know what all the fuss was about. Tsk Tsk. Thanks Oba.

The husband was the third runner, and there is something vaguely disconcerting when the relay runners hand over the chip, if they happen to be husband and wife. As he fumbled for the chip, we chatted a bit. On reflection, it resembled a grocery list. I was telling the husband to buy some

(a) Hot cocoa for the daughter, and while he was at it

(b) Some cream. You know what?

(c) Maybe, some chocolate chip cookies too.

I would have gone on in this perfectly inane vein, if the husband hadn’t give me the stern look, and sent me packing. We were running out of toor dal and tomatoes at home!

The term ‘breezing past’ is eerie in this context, since the reader will think I was breezing past somebody else, but it was actually the wind breezing past all of us! I wasn’t running all that fast. I just felt that way, as I was running with a bunch of people who were at Mile 20 of a full marathon. I felt a trifle guilty to be running this energetically during the last leg of what must have been a COLD marathon. I started around mile 20, and was legging it with the ease of one who had no intentions to staying out there a minute longer than was expected. If you’d set a dog behind me, I would have liked it better, since the Sports teacher at my School found my performance impressive on such occasions. However, I belonged to the team called Blazing Turtles and worked hard to justify the latter part of the team name’s spirit & plodded along.

The event was great, and in keeping with my finish line tradition, I finished before my folks could find parking in reasonable spots. I loitered about the spot, picking up free goo-gels and wondered why I hadn’t bought a book along. If I could carry 12 lbs in clothes, why not another 2 lbs as a book on my person?!

The team finished in 4 hours and 9 minutes. Always a pleasure to blog about it after the blood has started flowing again and the cheeks have gotten their rosy flavor back.

Go Blazing Turtles! (Team: Viv, Sur, Sri and Sau)

So many things to tell you

So many things to tell you,
So many things to share.
And so little time to do it all….

Blazing Turtles ran the California International Marathon in sub-zero running conditions in 4 hours and 9 minutes. (Team Captain: The husband – hear hear everybody, my husband was the team captain of the Marathon Relay team!) It was owing to the fact that he registered the team, but he has been given a title and would like to flaunt it. I don’t deny people simple pleasures in life. So, Capt Husband it is. More to come – stay tuned.

I saw policemen in tights riding horses like they belonged to the Genghis Khan Gobi Desert Preservation Squad. If I’d known how to whistle, I would have, because policemen in tights on horses is a rarity. I didn’t realize they still had equestrian training for cops in cities.

The flash storm has brought with it snow in the Bay area, something that I’ve never witnessed before. It snowed for a few minutes in San Francisco, and I was very tempted to go out and play. Or, in my delirium, it could have been hail that I perceived as snow! The surrounding hillsides look very pleasant with all the snow, but the nose feels most unpleasant being exposed in the cold like this. Seemed like an appropriate time to get snowing on the blog.

The line in the soup place I went to for lunch snaked all around and turned back and looped again forming concentric circles due to the cold. I could not think of a single day before when I’ve seen this many people wanting to tuck into some hot soup. I don’t know how soup places in these really cold places like Minneapolis estimate demand.

It is 25 years since the Bhopal Gas Tragedy in 1984. The apathy and suffering is appalling, and the images most disturbing.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2009/dec/04/bhopal-25-years-indra-sinha

Speed = Distance/Time

Generally, when I run, I blend with nature. The sun is shining, the clouds are peeking out delicately, the birds are flying. Now, you zoom the camera lens earthward and you find me prodding along down below, but with the spirits keeping the old birds company in the sky. That is me running.

Unfortunately, all the birds seem to have migrated for the Winter as I see none. But that could also be because with the start of Winter, I have been hibernating longer, and by the time I am legging it to work, there are no minutes to spare hobnobbing with birds and definitely not birds with soaring spirits. The spirit on these occasions stays with me, firmly routed on the ground. Terra Firma.

To cut a long story short, after a considerably long time I went to a gym to run today. I hadn’t noticed the way those treadmills psyched me before, but they do! There I am running along minding my own business and looking at the blinking displays on the treadmill occasionally. To the left is the time going (denoted on the x-axis in my mind, hence marked with x)

x:54 x:55 x:56 x:57 x:58 x:59

And to the right is the distance (y axis) going not nearly as fast, but close

y.56    y.57     y.58

The tongue is hanging out and I am watching the competing scales race against each other. Every second seems precious now, and I rashly increase the pace to a number that is making my heart pound. Just for a little while, I assure myself. And then…Sorry, but I have to put this thrilling narrative on hold for just a moment.

I don’t know whether you have ever been at the receiving end of a boomerang before.  I haven’t, but I am pretty sure that this is how it must have felt. You are looking keenly for the wretched object to keep going, and what does it do? Come right back at you! NOT doing what you are expecting it to do in other words. Now, back to the t.narrative.

Just as I am eagerly expecting both the axes to turn to x+1 and y+1, the time turns x+1 alright, but the distance just turns y.60. What the? I mean, why couldn’t it have been the other way around. When one is sweating it out and looking definitely like a warm bath and a cozy bed would do, why would the World thrust upon me the fact that a minute has only 60 seconds, while 0.9+0.1 miles make a mile, not 0.59+0.01?!

I complained bitterly, and even swore loudly at the treadmill. But treadmills don’t distinguish between people pounding on them or kicking at them, do they? They just go on cheating people by showing 60 seconds to a minute and 0.9+0.1 miles to a mile. That’s why, when once calculates my speed today, it is far from impressive. The standards are unfair.

Speed = Distance/Time! Humph and Humph again!

Black Duppatta becomes Red Hot Fashion Icon

With all the festive spirit, I walk around like a Christmas Tree. I don’t have the frightful blinking lights on me, but only just. I have equipped myself with a bright red coat – a beastly red, and a slightly long one at that, just in case people don’t notice. Yesterday, I stopped a trucker in his tracks – silly goose was trying to drive at an even pace in the city. I stared at him with piercing eyes, and after the effect of the coat had worn off, he noticed the wrath in the inner eye and skimpered down. I saw him sink an inch into his seat.

I shook my head stoically, and gave the fellow a warning look. Don’t let me catch you speeding again, was the general gist. Next time, he steps on the accelerator, he shall remember. That was the look. I saw a policeman look on most approvingly at the color choice.

IT frightens me to know that I have since become somewhat of a fashion icon in my circle of influence. I can right-away imagine a couple of damsels giggling hard thinking of me as the fashion icon. I admit to being guilty of passing pillow cases off as dresses and using large sheets (Queen size) as dupattas. But those days have passed. Couple of folks came and told me that I am a trendsetter!

I now freely pass on fashion tips to folks on platforms.  The other day, I decided to give the red show stopper a break and cloaked thyself in a dull grey. A  girl on the train asked me if I was the red coat lady, and what happened to my coat. Flattering, I tell you, flattering.

I might start a  fashion blog if this trend holds out. I am also freely giving advice on the choice of scarves and shawls to fellow sufferers. You see, I like wearing scarves over plain clothes, and now a fair few have shown interest in that direction as well.

All very complimentary of course. As girls, the sister and I were lovingly nick-named by the scoundrels on the wayside as “Black dupatta”, since we had 2 sinister dupattas – one black and one white to go with any dress – cream/pink/mauve/beige/crimson/teal. I found black went with more clothes and also required less washing, hence “Black Dupatta”.

Who would have thought “Black dupatta” would wear a bold red coat and stride forth with the head held high? Yet, here I am.

Merry Christmas – HO HO HO!

I can’t decide – Sarah Palin or Dan Brown? Help me to.

Every year, publishers are swamped with thousands of what they term “unsolicited” manuscripts. Some of them must be good stories that rot and die for want of any number of reasons. But to think that Dan Brown rode on his past popularity, and hit a million books with ‘The Lost Symbol’ is just plain criminal. This book has been such a disappointment, that I was actually thinking unsavory thoughts of the gall of marketing a work as frivolous as Lost Symbol.

http://www.thebookseller.com/news/103075-the-lost-symbol-exceeds-one-million-sales.html

It looks to me like Dan Brown was lost, and was looking for something to write – his mortgage was up for renewal, and folks had lost interest in Da Vinci Code. He looked skyward for inspiration and said – “Oh please give me something that I can spin a yarn with. I am lost – all I have is a Symbology professor!”

Lost Symbol was born.

I can’t tell you the number of times Robert Langdon “reeled”, and “had no idea what that meant” in the book. A 150 page book would have done better justice to Noetic Science & Free Masons than the 650 pages he doled out.

Then, just when you have to restore your faith in the world by cramming in a few good books, along comes this excuse for an author: Sarah Palin. Here is a link to a speech she once gave: her resignation to be precise, which has been corrected for our benefit.

http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/features/2009/07/palin-speech-edit-200907

One has to question the system that displays her books prominently in book shops. Yet, I would not be surprised to see the book on the best selling lists soon. After all, literature, humour and plot don’t sell half as well as controversy and marketing do.

A walk in the clouds

Dear muscles,

I am pleased that you have started doing well. To admonish the muscles that got me up there is cruel. Yet, it must be done. I did not like the way you jabbed when I straightened my legs, and tightened that way when I sat. I know I have been out of shape lately, but the rest after the half marathon demanded that.

It now feels like a good idea to appreciate those muscles that have done their part for me without letting me know of their presence. I now know you are there – “Hi!”.

Now, please go back to being inconspicuous. Thank you!

With regards,
Nutty Hiker in the Clouds

A bunch of friends and I did the Mission Peak hike on Saturday. Talking while walking is the best thing one can think of – slowly, we ascended, past the cows, and the fresh dung, with an enthusiastic dog that reminded me a lot of Snowy in Tintin’s adventures. Closer and closer to the clouds and then into the clouds. A light misty spray as walked in the clouds, and before we knew it, we were on the mountain top, walking in the clouds. How dreamy is that?

As my letter indicates, the old muscles don’t take lightly to being taken on a surprise hike up a mountain anymore. I had to be pretty firm with them.

But I am happily sore – how often does one get to walk on the clouds, while being in them?

School Uniforms

It’s like an eagle flew by and dropped this on my lap.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/08/fashion/08cross.html?_r=1&pagewanted=1

This article helpfully sheds light on the increasingly different ways in which dress codes (or lack of it) cause problems at US schools. Some children have taken to cross dressing just to be “different”. Reminds me of that television ad for sauce

It’s different
What’s different
Nothing…it’s different
It’s sauce!

Why doesn’t the American Public School system just have uniforms and be done with it like the rest of the world? The argument that some families may not be able to afford it sounds thin to me. They have to afford some clothes, why not uniforms? The emotional scarring, the warring among the different factions within a school and frankly the jarring styles non-uniformity produces far outweighs the feeble consideration that people can’t afford uniforms.

Let’s start with a little exercise shall we? When children wear uniforms, let’s list the disciplinary problems pertaining to clothes alone:
1) Clothes are dirty/Shoes are dusty
2) Shirt not tucked in

Indecent exposure will immediately be reprimanded. Aside from cutting holes in your clothes, there is little chance of indecent exposure when uniforms are worn.

A school is an institution of learning – to treat it as anything else is sacrilege. While at School, what matters is the sharpening of the mind and honing of the senses – everything else is perfunctory, and should not occupy the minds of students and administrators longer than that.

So ….

I have been woefully inadept at keeping track of mergers and acquisitions lately. I think AT&T did the trick for me. For the first 62 times when, Cingular bought At&T and At&T merged with Cingular and Comcast became At&T and At&T became Comcast and AT&T provided services using SBC, I struggled but managed. The 63rd time was the charm – I gave up.

Why now I dread people asking me a simple enough question such as “Who is your cable provider?”! I wasn’t like that before. I liked people asking me who my cable provider was. I was the informed one see? Then, this game started. At first, I tried assigning aliases to the companies. At&T is A, and Cingular is B. So A buys B. With me so far? Good. Then, Comcast C came in, and bought B. Still manageable. Then, fricking B has a problem with his name and goes and changes it to A. So, C bought A, but actually B bought C, which makes sense since A bought B – hang on. A bought B, so B became …

By the time I figured it out, A&C formed a partnership of sorts, so A & B could be synonyms, buddies, pals. Then, C felt left out and joined in too, not by becoming their pal, but by buying them. Here is a helpful diagram:

at&t

I wonder whether their employees know who they are working for. I figure when they really want to know, they just look at their latest paycheck.

Ever the stickler for the dramatic, I just wring my hands up in the air and a note of exasperation seeps into my soul and you hear it when I reply “Oh, AT&T or Cingular or Comcast or one of those things!” It was upto people to go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/At%26T and figure it out for themselves.

When these poets come and tell you, something like this

You only think Life is tough
When you think you’ve had enough
But it will be better
If you can twitter
Or blogger
If you must

Or similar such rot, I’ve always felt drained and reached for a chocolate. Now, as though all the strain of keeping track of phone and cable providers were not enough for the regular taxpayer, this news comes along. Kraft is buying Cadbury’s

http://www.reuters.com/article/rbssConsumerGoodsAndRetailNews/idUSL044468320091109

I should finish with a silly punch though

What does it take to get a fruit and nut around here?
Ans: Some Kraft!