Month: April 2008

I had the strong urge to not cry – I could feel the pressure of the welled up tears against the blood vessels surrounding my eyes. There was a lump in my throat that had no business being there. I suddenly wished for the familiar confines of my bedroom where I could let my tears flow on unbridled by the demands of maintaining a public facade. My mind raced and stood still at the same time. I thanked God, my stars or destiny (whatever name you could call it) for the life that I am enjoying compared to those I had identified with in the mystical world of fiction in the last few days.

I was reading ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’ by Khaled Hosseini. I could see it was difficult writing this book – the author uses two voices throughout the book – that of Mariam and Laila. Using two voices, and maintaining the tempo through out the book is a daunting task, but one well accomplished by Khaled. I felt like the luckiest woman alive for the life I am leading. For my loved ones, some of whom may be separated by more than a thousand miles, but all connected through the feeling of unity, of sharing some things in the past/present together.

“You like big words Laila, don’t you? Let me give you one – Perspective” says Rasheed in the book. That statement said it all. My little worries, minor irritants – both human and otherwise seem fine.

Another week-end went by:
I felt strangely tranquil this week-end, an inner peace if you could call it that.
It could be any or a combination of all these things that contributed to that particular feeling:
1) I was excited because of the new dish I was preparing – I tried making vegetarian lasagna. Everytime I try something new, I behave like a child looking forward to cutting their birthday cake – eager and enthusiastic.

2) It may be because the cleaners came and rummaged through the house, and left it looking squeaky clean! The immense satisfaction I feel looking at a clean house, when I haven’t passed out doing the cleaning, cannot be compared to any material pleasure in the world. I am not the only one – my daughter was so thrilled with the “cleaner uncle” around – a trip to Disneyland could not have made her happier.

3) I had a shelf which I was thinking of disposing, thanks to the closet overhaul the dear husband did with the closet organizer – the cleaners took it to their apartment to use. Boy, did that feel good?!

4) The trees in my backyard have now started sprouting flowers, and I even saw the first green apricots appear. Have I told you about this squirrel? He appears frequently in the epics of the cat and the squirrel enacted in our home at regular intervals. He is also overfed! The first time I moved into our home, I watched on idly as this little guy tottered on the fence, and ran up the fruit trees. Slowly, the bloodbath started. The greedy one, did not spare a single fruit. We were competing to lay our hands on fruit before he got to it. I am determined this time: that squirrel needs to go on a diet. I am taking all the apricots and freezing them this year! He can content himself with the plums in my backyard, not the apricots!

5) Spring meant that I could get up late on Sunday, and go to the park for a run, and play in the park in the middle of the day!

Aah….lethargy! How I miss you!

Archana tagged me, I hemmed and hawed, because I did not want to answer the question. I was happy just letting life lilt along. But, I did tell her that I would answer her tag, so here I go.
Ten things I want to do in the next 10 years — hmm. There is no priority here, just mentioned as I think of them.
1) I want to read more varied works – lots of books spanning different subject areas.

2) I want to learn Carnatic music. I may not have the best voice in the world, but I love it, and there is no harm in trying.

3) I want to learn swimming very well. It has been my dream since childhood, and I finally managed to fit myself into a swim-suit – though, the way I wear one is probably the most unsexy way any swimsuit can be worn. Regardless, I love swimming, and want to get better at it.

4) I want to be a person who is able to embrace myself for who I am. This has more to do with building a sense of overall achievement in all spheres of life. Sometimes, I tend to fall into the drag of a uni-dimensional lifestyle, and lose out on the big picture.

5) I want to undertake at least 1 academic course in the United States

6) I want to be able to spend more time in my daughter’s activities – ideally, I would like to volunteer at her school for one afternoon every week. What better way to understand her world? This is a totally new ballgame for me, and I need to understand her world. Right now, this seems like a long shot, but I am hoping that I can eventually do that.

7) I definitely have to find a way to understand the economics of different things, and also how they tie into a cohesive whole. I know bits and pieces about the stock market, about interest rates, about forex reserves and exchange rates. I still don’t understand the ripple effects that one produces on another.

8) I want to be a good parent – I want to be a friend, guide and disciplinarian all rolled into one. I find this an especially daunting task, since the world my daughter is growing up in, is very different from the world I grew up in. Point #6 maybe a sub-task of this one in that sense.

9) I want to excel in my profession.

10) I want to be able to do all of the above!

When I started out with 10 things, I found myself thinking really hard to come up with a list of 9 really! Anyhow, thanks Archana!