Saudade, Fernweh, or Anemoia?
I wanted to spend two hours admiring the November colors. It has been a beautiful few days with the weather cooling down, clouds providing beautiful skies. Yet, on recent walks, I found myself on walks as Thoreau would put it, ‘taking the village with me’. Thinking of human follies, triumphs, setbacks, wisdom and the lack thereof, behaviors, grief, love, friendships, and so much more.
It is true that my recent walks haven’t been long enough for the human mind to ponder and wonder about the world around me. Not enough to listen to the bird’s call, or the brush of a leaf fluttering down upon me. They have been snuck in 10 minute intervals, just enough to pull my head out a little, but not enough to give me nature’s perspective which is always more expansive, forgiving and sensible.
I missed it all. I missed something that I could not name. Was it saudade (a bittersweet longing for something or someone), fernweh (longing to explore a faraway place), or could it just be anemoia (nostalgia or longing for something you never actually lived through)
The tug of an astrophile
The daylight savings time has already kicked in, which means that the sun has been setting early. I am not a fan of this in general as I admire sunsets more than I probably should. Usually, I swap the sunset out with star-gazing, and my phone’s Skyview app is a constant companion.
So, last night, I decided to set off around our community. It had been too long without me gazing at the familiar Orion’s belt in the winter skies. I started off thinking of this world, our world, my much smaller world as usual. But then, slowly, I made myself look up, feeling the familiar tug of the astrophile in my gut.
How many worlds are out there? What are their atmospheres like? How must it feel to gaze at multiple moons from a different planet?
To be a Star!
Slowly, my eyes roved to all the familiar constellations and bright stars in the skies.
We all want to be stars in our lives but what must it be like to be an actual star? Burning bright, always shining. The nuclear fusion processes providing the energy, igniting more. How do the stars sustain their fusion processes to keep burning? I am sure we were taught all of this in school, and yet when I stop to think of it, the scientific processes are not as keen as the wonder. Maybe that is the beauty of the universe.
Each question just enough to open a quantum tunneling loop into which we can disappear for hours on end, finding ways to ignite fusion processes in our thoughts. The universe is really a fascinating place.
If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I’ll bet they’d live a lot differently.
— Bill Watterson
When I stepped back into the house, I felt refreshed, but felt the immediate pull of duty too. How quickly our inside and outside worlds swap in and out of our thoughts?
The stars do not think, do they? Why should we?
