Tag: aging

The Old Man with a Dog

The Old Man With a Dog

“You know that old man with a dog? He spoke to me the other day, I was pleasantly surprised by what an interesting conversation it turned out to be.” said the husband, sounding impressed. 

I nodded, adding, “I read an article that hit this problem on the head: It is the fact that we truly become invisible as we age.” 

I hastened to explain as we leaped past the nightly sprinklers that had started up. The horologist’s gleaming success – timed sprinklers. Anyway. “Our achievements, our agility, or even our experiences fade to the background. You become that old man with a dog. He could have been a scientist in a space program, or a high-ranking official in some administrative service, a doctor, or a professor/teacher. But none of that matters – a true lesson in time and humility and all of that.”

The husband looked thoughful, and I waited. 

“Yes – I always only had the time for a hello, and a how-are-you. Never really stopped to talk to him.”

aging

On the way from somewhere to something

I nodded. We all do the same. On the way from somewhere to something. 

From there, our conversation went on to how we may, in our times, in our awesome ways, not fall into the same traps. 

Except that we will. 

We already do. 

“Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.”

– Oliver Wendell Holmes

We may even be hastening and accelerating towards it just like we accelerated and hastened towards everything in life. It is why we feel the sting when we don’t understand the emoji-lingo anymore. It is why we feel bewildered, and scramble to understand when a new career path we’ve never heard of before, comes up for discussions by the younger ones in our lives. 

Gerascophobia is real.

Aging brings with it frailty. 

Failing health means a fall from the bed after an afternoon nap, or the unexpected reaction to a medication. Somehow, life manages to strip everything away from us.  Degrees, achievements, resumes – everything whittles down to blood pressure and blood sugar readings.

“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.”

– Andy Rooney

So, how may we stay relevant? 

A few people in my parent’s generation still retain the spark. They work towards spreading cheer, being loved and loving, and retaining their intellectual curiosity in ways that means they have defied age in a way. They are the ones who still bring a smile to our faces when we think of them. It seems like a simple thing to do, but it isn’t.

Maybe that is the change in life’s purpose. Learning to cultivate joy in the small moments, so we may remember to be happy when invisibility hits, when loneliness hits, or when health fails. 

“There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.” – Sophia Loren

Humans of New York kind of initiatives show us the stories behind everyone.

P.S: The article ( I truly wish I had saved the link, but I didn’t. So, if someone knows the article I am referring to, please let me know, and I shall link it here. ) was a well-written one that had me nodding in several places.

Read Also: Toby Turtle’s Lessons on Life – Nourish-n-Cherish

Embracing Effort Over Outcome

The older I get, the more I…. (That should be a web series right there!) 

The older I get, the more I seem to appreciate concerted effort rather than the outcome. For I have seen more people fail to succeed in the ways they wanted to, and yet grew in ways that success may not have taught them. But in time they became successful people.

That makes me sound like one of those management gurus who profess to fix your problems. But not quite. Where I am coming from is from an aging perspective.

The difference is, looking back at life, I have always liked the concept of human beings undertaking difficult things to achieve great things. Overcoming obstacles and all that. When younger, call it the arrogance of youth, or the fresh optimism of youth, there was a sense of setting your sights and then going about doing your best to achieve it. If you didn’t, you simply tried harder, or realized your limits and got your ego pegged down a bit. It all seemed straightforward enough.

Now, it doesn’t seem so easy. Anything requiring concerted effort seems harder.

So, what gives?

Maybe it is because there are more demands on our time and energy, and we have less t & e as we age. Before I try to create a formula for that messy statement, what I am trying to say is: Everything seems harder because of the tug and pull of prioritizing what one wants to do versus what one must. 

The demands of society, earning a living, generational demands –  many of us are caretakers for not just our generation, but the younger and older ones as well – they all take up time. Suddenly, the ability to carve time out for one’s pursuits takes on an almost selfish angle. (It isn’t). In fact, I’d argue that this time is necessary so that we may bring our better, happier selves to the harder tasks of life. 

In areas related to unconventional thinking or muscle patterns such as swimming, learning a new instrument or dancing, age seems to be a definite barrier. 

To those hard friends: Courage & Discipline

Therefore, it is with admiration that I cheer those of my friends and family who do set their sights and go for it with the promise and optimism of youth. Whether it is arangetrams or long cross-country bike rides or backpacking across mountains, or an educational degree. The achievement seems loftier because the discipline required seems higher, the distractions more, the tug and pull of daily life far more restive.

I saw this post on social media once (Paraphrasing as the original wording was more concise):  Anyone who has been a dancer will never make fun of someone trying to be one, a professional athlete will never make fun of someone joining the junior league. The judging only comes from someone who has never tried anything. 

And isn’t that true? I found myself nodding vigorously at that – how some folks manage to discern these truths, and then set them forth so lucidly is amazing.

Here’s to more of us having the courage and discipline to try new things, remain forward focused, and embracing the joys of discipline as we move towards our goals.

I did the easy thing here and asked Gemini for funny quotes on courage and discipline. Hope you get a laugh out of them too.

  • “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers

  • “Courage is knowing it might hurt, and doing it anyway. Stupidity is the same. And that’s why life is hard.”

Taming the Ego: Embracing Irrelevance

Taming the Ego

One of the biggest achievements of growing old has to be the achievement of realizing our own diminishing importance in the world, and gracefully succumbing to a life that is finally galloping past us. This can be a phenomenally difficult thing to do. I am well aware that I may have this very article picked up, printed and taped to my bedside as an octagenarian or a nonagenarian by the younger ones in my life. (I shall have a laugh then!)  

But right now, writing this in my forties, I feel that day is far away and can therefore hope to lord my philosophies of life over everyone.

I suppose Taming the Ego is a theme that these Zen and Buddhist teachings harp on quite a bit. Confused with humility, this often manifests as a tool for diminishing our accomplishments. What I think it means is letting go of our perceived importance in the world, and seeking irrelevance.

The world of work is already changing quickly enough to ensure that senior citizens feel a bit frazzled by the nature of it all. So the work world is quite easy to relinquish our control over. The harder aspects to relinquish control are over the other aspects of our daily life.

The promise of the future vs the nostalgia of the past.

I was reading a fascinating children’s book, If You Come to Earth – By Sophie Blackall, that deserves a post all on its own about how you’d feel if you were an alien visiting Earth. Not exactly a new theme, but the book is engaging enough to introduce us to Earth with all its quirks and attractions. 

There was a page in there that quite neatly summed up aging. 

Older people are good at telling stories about the world when they were young. Kids are good at making up stories that haven’t happened yet.

– Sophie Blackall, If You Come to Earth

What a marvelous way to sum up humanity’s youth against the aging process? The promise of the future vs the nostalgia of the past.

The Tyranny of Technology

I remember an incident a couple of decades ago when I took the just-retired father into the ATM with me. It was a swanky little ATM – all polished floors and gleaming surfaces, the cameras concealed in the false ceilings etc. The pater came in gaping at the wonder of it all. Thus far, he had walked into the State Bank of India office in our little residential town, wished all the staff a good day, asked about the teller’s son’s progress after his recent surgery, withdrawn money from his account and scurried home to put it in the locker in the Godrej cupboard.

Suddenly, here he was, no teller in question. No human in question. With a machine that gave money. He said, all agog, “Kondhai (child) – can you take out 1000 rupees at a time 5 times so I can see what is happening?” 

I laughed and complied.

But it was just the beginning.

Where previously, our parents’ generation dealt with money, now they too have to contend with credit cards, ATMs and electronic banking. The few banks that continue to offer in-person services are heavily sought after. It is also becoming easier than ever for scams to take place. After all, the teller no longer knows that you already withdrew cash for your grand-daughter’s wedding a year ago. 

The Tides of Time

So, how to stay relevant in a time when the ground is shifting so rapidly beneath you? 

What can one do but to embrace those rascals of emotions that sidle up the moment they find a sliver of chance to get in: insecurity, anxiety, fear? How can one not parrot the beliefs and rituals of the past when it is all that seems to make sense to you?

The enormous pressures of technological advances mean that life expectancy has increased, and the tyranny of these advances means that you have to try and stay relevant. Our parents’ generation learnt to use electricity, radios, television, internet, mobile phones, social media – all in a race to stay relevant.

So, when does it all get too much? 

I don’t know. 

Is the journey to realization of our diminishing importance in the world the ultimate test of spirituality? 

After all the tides never stop coming in and going out – they just don’t seem to care about the fish in them.

A Whiff of Youth & A Hint of Innocence

As summer closes its curtains, I look forward to the beautiful season of Fall. I yearn to see the colors of the leaves changing, resplendent in their glory for a few weeks, and the inevitable flutter they produce in my heart as they come to terms with letting go of their branches.

The children and I had our first scrunch-party this morning: We saw a small bunch of dried leaves near our feet, and we jumped and heard the delightful scrunch that was then followed by giggles that caused a squirrel to pause on its scamper and chitter at us looking amused from the roof above, reminding me of one of the poems in the book, A Whiff of Pine and a Hint of Skunk ( A Forest of poems by Deborah Ruddell & Joan Rankin)

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  • Above my head a robin sings
  • a shy hello and flaps her wings.
  • She whistles to a waiting squirrel
  • who gives his fuzzy tail a twirl
  • and bounces on a flimsy branch
  • which starts a leafy avalanche
  • of red and gold from every tree
  • as if they’ve planned it all for me.
IMG_6931
A Whiff of Pine, a Hint of Skunk

Afterward, we made our way to the son’s school. I waved goodbye to the fellow, and then dilly-dallied for a minute after he had gone into his own classroom. I love the atmosphere of the fresh energy and exuberance of children on a Friday morning. I was soaking in the scene when I saw a child crying. Great big tears coursed down her cheeks, and her face was so troubled, I stopped to ask her what the matter was. I cannot bear to see children cry (Tantrums annoy, but these genuine feelings of sorrow wrack my heart).

It was then I saw three girls her own age come and stand around her in a knot. They comforted her in their own way, asked her what the matter was, and then took her along to walk to the classroom with them. Her slumped shoulder straightened just a wee bit after a few steps, and her hands that were held by one of the girls was given more willingly. I watched them walk away together, and a warm glow suffused me.

In that glimpse of school, I saw the heartening stirrings of a friendship, the kind heartedness of fellow classmates, the easy grace with which relationships start – an art that adults seem to have forgotten along the way.

I walk around the neighborhood seeing the early stirrings of fall. The precocious among leaves are turning color. Fall raises the question of mortality, and I admire the example the fall leaves set for us, when the time has come for them, by letting go and fluttering down. with the promise of renewal in the air.

forest

It reminds me of a conversation I was having with my parents, as many people of the older generation grapple with the problem of aging. For the first time in the history of mankind, we will soon have the same number of people over the age of 80 as below the age of 5. Depression and anxiety among the aged is common. (My article here on Aging: Toby Turtle’s Lesson on Life)

If old age were indeed the second childhood, what would it take to keep forging relationships without expectation, and reaping its unexpected rewards, like the little girls that morning? How to infuse our minds with a hint of innocence and a whiff of youth?