Stupor Drones

http://www.aolnews.com/2011/04/09/holly-thompson-cant-shut-her-mouth-after-yawning-in-class/

I feel sorry for both parties in this story.  Holly Thompson and the Professor. Holly Thompson is the poor girl who gave in to a perfectly natural impulse during a fascinating political theory class, and could not close her mouth. She yawned.While the agony she experienced is no laughing matter, it opens up other venues of thought.

The perfect treatment for insomnia. If I were a doctor, I would treat patients coming in to see me for insomnia by prescribing a course credit with Professors whose tapes I have listened to, and create a soporific index to go along with the intensity of the problem.  I once had a Mathematics professor who made my jaw bones beg for respite. This: when I thought, you couldn’t really fall asleep while solving Math problems. This Prof used a soothing technique of 0.02% voice modulation coupled with a loving stroke of his extremely pregnant looking belly in a clockwise direction for 3 minutes, followed with the anti-clockwise pat-down for another 3 minutes. Just watching that was enough. Coupled with his tone, the man was Grade-A treatment for the most severe of insomniacs.

I feel sorry for the Professor too, who thankfully has not been named in the article. But, there are few things that are more consistent than stupor inducing lectures that unite the atmospheres of college and school – the unifying factor transcending geographical and ecological barriers. In the Hall of Infamy, this poor Professor will surely have a place for making a student’s jaw drop in his class!

Blessed as some people are with droning voices, I wonder why Scientists don’t tap this simple source for warfare. You know play the lectures of a stupor star non-stop over the Kazaksthan mountain range or to diffuse the tensions in Libya? Who feels like picking up a rifle and firing when sleepy?

And that is why I am not offered the post of Defence Minister or that of a qualified doctor…. Sigh!