Spirituality – Nourish-n-Cherish

The Poochandi: Fear, Eunoia, and Allodoxaphobia

The Poochandi

“Acchichoo – Poochaandi varum!”

Many of us growing up must’ve heard of the famed poochandi. He is ominous and omnipresent. The poochandi is the South Indian version of the bogeyman

In one of R K Narayan’s stories in the Grandmother’s Tales or Malgudi Days, I forget which one, he writes about this vague poochandi. The poochandi is a ghost or nefarious persona, whose purpose in life seems to vary: Frighten children into swallowing the next morsel of rice, or getting the slightly older ones to come home soon, or the daughter-in-law of the house to light the lamps on time every time.

I remember thinking that the poochandi seemed like a busy, if slightly jobless character.

As we grew older, the poochandi was replaced by ‘They’ as in Society.

What would They say?

🫠 You aren’t making a 5 course meal in between the 3 course meals that are each 4 hours apart? What would They say?

🫠You aren’t wearing a 9 yard saree so you can pour water droplets on a coconut? What would They say?

🫠You aren’t making murukkus as well as halwa for Diwali? What would They say?

They were all-knowing & all-judging.

If you were perfect, They knew all the ways in which you were not.

So imagine finding out that fear of what They would say actually has a word?

Allodoxaphobia & Eunoia

Allodoxaphobia: fear of what other people think of you.

I first read the word in the book, Build the life you want – by Oprah Winfrey, Arthur C Brooks

Allodoxaphobia can work in strange ways – sometimes, it can make us function in ways that enhance our positive qualities. Other times, it can burden us with a mindset that we neither grow out of, nor discard easily.

They and the Poochandi worked full-time to keep you pliant.

In the face of this, what can we do to retain and maintain our eunoia?

Eunoia? You ask. I am glad you asked. You didn’t? Well, here I go anyway.

Eunoia – is a beautiful word that signifies a positive and kind disposition. The kind of personality that develops out of cultivating beautiful thinking or a well-balanced mind.

The ability to choose without spurning, live without hurting (others or ourselves), etc are extraordinarily hard things to do. It is why philosophers set great store by it and acknowledged this to be a great thing.

Sometimes what They say, and what the poochandi threatens aligns with our inner sense of eunoia. But when they don’t align, how do we balance the cultivation of eunoia against what They will say?

Eunoia means doing the hard work of finding our morality, and sticking by it regardless of what They say, even if the Poochandi will find you for it. Eunoia means being personable and helpful without giving yourself over to Them and Their demands.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I’d like to find the poochandi and work with them to change what They say. A Poochandi who will give you a nod or a pat on your back when you clip unkindness in the face. A Poochandi who will not turn a blind eye to cruelty, and arrogance, say?

Here is a two-part question to you?

What would you like your Poochandi to do?
How do you cultivate Eunoia?

Taming the Ego: Embracing Irrelevance

Taming the Ego

One of the biggest achievements of growing old has to be the achievement of realizing our own diminishing importance in the world, and gracefully succumbing to a life that is finally galloping past us. This can be a phenomenally difficult thing to do. I am well aware that I may have this very article picked up, printed and taped to my bedside as an octagenarian or a nonagenarian by the younger ones in my life. (I shall have a laugh then!)

But right now, writing this in my forties, I feel that day is far away and can therefore hope to lord my philosophies of life over everyone.

I suppose Taming the Ego is a theme that these Zen and Buddhist teachings harp on quite a bit. Confused with humility, this often manifests as a tool for diminishing our accomplishments. What I think it means is letting go of our perceived importance in the world, and seeking irrelevance.

The world of work is already changing quickly enough to ensure that senior citizens feel a bit frazzled by the nature of it all. So the work world is quite easy to relinquish our control over. The harder aspects to relinquish control are over the other aspects of our daily life.

The promise of the future vs the nostalgia of the past.

I was reading a fascinating children’s book, If You Come to Earth – By Sophie Blackall, that deserves a post all on its own about how you’d feel if you were an alien visiting Earth. Not exactly a new theme, but the book is engaging enough to introduce us to Earth with all its quirks and attractions.

There was a page in there that quite neatly summed up aging.

Older people are good at telling stories about the world when they were young. Kids are good at making up stories that haven’t happened yet.

– Sophie Blackall, If You Come to Earth

What a marvelous way to sum up humanity’s youth against the aging process? The promise of the future vs the nostalgia of the past.

The Tyranny of Technology

I remember an incident a couple of decades ago when I took the just-retired father into the ATM with me. It was a swanky little ATM – all polished floors and gleaming surfaces, the cameras concealed in the false ceilings etc. The pater came in gaping at the wonder of it all. Thus far, he had walked into the State Bank of India office in our little residential town, wished all the staff a good day, asked about the teller’s son’s progress after his recent surgery, withdrawn money from his account and scurried home to put it in the locker in the Godrej cupboard.

Suddenly, here he was, no teller in question. No human in question. With a machine that gave money. He said, all agog, “Kondhai (child) – can you take out 1000 rupees at a time 5 times so I can see what is happening?”

I laughed and complied.

But it was just the beginning.

Where previously, our parents’ generation dealt with money, now they too have to contend with credit cards, ATMs and electronic banking. The few banks that continue to offer in-person services are heavily sought after. It is also becoming easier than ever for scams to take place. After all, the teller no longer knows that you already withdrew cash for your grand-daughter’s wedding a year ago.

The Tides of Time

So, how to stay relevant in a time when the ground is shifting so rapidly beneath you?

What can one do but to embrace those rascals of emotions that sidle up the moment they find a sliver of chance to get in: insecurity, anxiety, fear? How can one not parrot the beliefs and rituals of the past when it is all that seems to make sense to you?

The enormous pressures of technological advances mean that life expectancy has increased, and the tyranny of these advances means that you have to try and stay relevant. Our parents’ generation learnt to use electricity, radios, television, internet, mobile phones, social media – all in a race to stay relevant.

So, when does it all get too much?

I don’t know.

Is the journey to realization of our diminishing importance in the world the ultimate test of spirituality?

After all the tides never stop coming in and going out – they just don’t seem to care about the fish in them.

As many Personalities as Versions of Success

Personalities, quirks, energy levels, circumstances, capabilities, talents – they all provide an unending range of curiosities in people. How many of us are architects, debaters, peacemakers, advocates, entertainers, logicians, schemers, investigators, engineers, doctors, artists, writers, dancers or a marvelous combination of all of the above.

Each one of us is different, yet the world is always trying to get us to be as close to a narrow path as possible. I remembered a discussion I had with my nieces a few months ago, in which I told them, “There are as many versions of success as there are personalities in the world.” , and they grinned as if to say, that is exactly the sort of thing their loving aunt would say to them, but I could see it touched a nerve for them. These young girls were vibrant, talented and looking to make their career choices.

The world is ready to give us a charter for what is considers to be success. The pursuit of making a living sometimes aligns with passions, and interests. The lucky amongst us get to pursue a vocation that aligns closely with our passions. Many float through life living ‘lives of quiet desperation’ as Henry David Thoreau so eloquently put it.

Personal Energy has always been a curious phenomenon that flits through it all. How best do we utilize the personal energy given to us? Many of us manage to find ways to keep our passions alive. Take the example of my sister-in-law and her friends, who as mothers in their 40’s managed to pursue their love for dance and performed an Arangetram.

https://www.newindianexpress.com/states/karnataka/2024/Apr/08/age-is-just-a-number-three-mothers-in-their-40s-have-their-bharatanatyam-arangetram-in-bengaluru

The Gospel of Thomas (From the book, The Great Work of Your Life – By Stephen Cope)

“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you; if you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”

-Gospel of Thomas

Finding out what sustains, motivates and makes us gain that spark of interest in our lives, so we may embrace our Dharma and commit to it, is a journey in itself. There are as many versions of success as there are personalities in this world. Maybe we owe it to ourselves to find what is it that needs bringing forth in our lives.

“To be nobody-but-yourself — in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else — means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight.”

– E E Cummings

Who was it who said, There are two greatest days of our lives?

The day we were born, and the day we realize why we were born?

Must’ve been a smart cookie!

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”

– Mark Twain.

Of course – it was Mark Twain

For many of us, finding that spark that sustains and motivates us is a life-long quest in itself. Let’s hope we all find our sparks 🎆

The Cave of Quietude

In Quietness the Soul Expands

I sat watching the water flow, feeling the sweet caress of the gentle breeze at night, and had this strange urge to just sit there and enjoy time flowing by. It had been an exceptionally hot and dry day filled with activities and emotions.

“These are the times in life — when nothing happens — but in quietness the soul expands.”

– Kent

As we grow older, I find we need to fight for those moments in life. Find those quiet moments in which to let the soul expand. My mind wandered to what I had read about Keats and his Cave of Quietude as he calls the quiet and expansive moments of our lives.

They say of books, that each book appears at a particular moment in your life. I was reading the book, The Great Work of our Lives – By Stephen Cope, recommended to me by a good friend. I shall be ever grateful – it was marvelous and precisely the sort of book I required to read.

The Great Work of Our Lives – Our Dharma

I see this is the sort of book that I shall be giving to people who find themselves at the cross-roads. I have always thought that concepts like Dharma have a certain weighty interpretation. But to have them handled in the skillful hands of a writer like Stephen Cope makes all the difference. In a lucid style, he talks about the important concepts of the Gita and compares and contrasts them against the life of well-known poets, naturalists, and writers. He also draws parallels of the teachings against real-life people (with their names changed of course)

Excerpt:

“ Keats, in a brilliant intuitive move, now attempted to work out the problem of grasping through the protagonist of the poem he was writing.”

“How does Endymoin work it out? He enters what Keats called “The Cave of Quietude’, a retreat into the depths of consciousness. In quiet retreat and contemplation, Endymion realizes that success and failure are not the measure of life. He sees the way in which both light and shade, success and failure, and praise and blame, are all parts of life.”

When you wonder which pieces to highlight in the book, and think you shall have to re-read multiple sections because it resonates with you, it is a good book, wouldn’t you agree?

May we all find our Caves of Quietude and find moments of calm and peace in which nothing happens, and the soul expands.

Spiritual Mysticism or Spiritual Naturalism?

As we walked into our standard Best Western’s breakfast room near the Inyo Canyons, there was a transformation. The walls were plastered with what looked like pictures of movie stars. Apparently, this was Hollywood’s favorite location for filming cowboy scenes, and the hotel wasn’t going to let that one slide any time soon.

The surrounding Inyo canyons were looking like that I admit. The horizons widened, the rocks and foliage blended together in beautiful sandstone with broccoli-like vegetation everywhere. The canyons had miles and miles of rock. Flat plains stretching on before hitting the mountain ranges. Pink, red, orange and sandstone. It took us some time to appreciate its beauty. Life seemed sparse yet the possibility of life here seemed abundant. I tried imagining a time in Earth’s history when the place was teeming with life, maybe large dinosaurs spotted the plains with winged creatures careening overhead, and possibly a lush, green surrounding rather than the pink-ish desert looks that were in front of us now.

I tried imagining the place a few hundred years from now – would it be a city, or a settlement of some kind? Would there be more visible forms of life and humanity? How about a few thousand years from now?

It is definitely heartening to step out of urban life for a brief spell. It is also when you are most capable of doing what you want. Do you want to sing a song? The rocks are your audience. Go for it. Do you want to jump in the middle of the road, the mountains are your witness. So, we spent the day in near by cowboy locations acting out like cowboys and cowgirls. Only these cowboys & girls wore woolen caps and gloves and heehawed like donkeys.

The fact that we are miniscule in the scheme of things is never more stark than when gazing at nature’s grandeur. I tried looking for that feeling of oneness, and could come up with no better words than Spirituality and Nature. The internet spewed articles on religion and spirituality. But that was not what I felt there. There was no religion except when the cold got a bit much and I said, “Rama! It is so cold!”.

My grandmother would have approved.

Sometimes, Lord Ganesha kept us company. (We saw rocks shaped like dinosaurs and elephants.)

There was awe, humility, peace and the sense of security that our valiant car could provide transport and warmth.

That night after the heehawing in Inyo canyons, I had vague and hilarious dreams of my grandmother running after a donkey in a 9 yards saree. Who is to say that a mouse did not really pull a wooden trundle with Lord Ganesha seated on it across the canyons that night? Spiritual Mysticism? Maybe.

cowboys

The Tree’s Spiritual Path

Monday’s heat wave sent a shocking yearning for the milder, cloudier days that we have been enjoying in May. It is wonderful when one gets to enjoy the burst of Spring without the stifling heat that the Californian Springs and Summers crack up the Earth with. It was, therefore, with a whole-hearted mind to enjoy the mild drizzle that I set out on Wed morning.

I was thinking of the week of the storm about six months ago when it truly rained and brought back memories that I had, in my typical butterfly-wing-ed fashion, jotted down as ‘potential blog material’ and forgotten in the ensuing months of rigor and tedium. So here goes.

The rains had been lashing down with some vigor and I sat next to a man on the train, who behaved like he was a Grade-C Hollywood actor. For one, he pulled out his goggles when there wasn’t a spot of sun. Then, he turned this way and that, with a sort of expectant look on his face. It looked to me like he was hoping to be recognized, but was relieved to not have a line awaiting his autograph all the same and in that state of mind, went to sleep. A sleeping co-passenger is infinitely better than a co-passenger who is catching up with relatives and friends on the phone(A subject for another set of blogs altogether). I sent a silent thanks and sat back to enjoy my book, sending admiring glances out the window every now and then. I am a pluviophile through and through even if the pouring rain can sometimes be an inconvenience like I am about to explain below. A few minutes later, I was jolted out of this euphoria by what sounded like a slurpy trumpet. It turns out that the G.C.H.Actor was also a Grade-A snorer. His snores were audible over the hum of the train and din of the storm, to folks three seats away and they sent me quick smiles of sympathy before turning away. I had not the heart to wake him for he seemed to be flying over the clouds happily and smiled in his sleep. A dream probably.

I, however, was on Earth’s solid surface and was left listening to a static crackle that precedes a service announcement. These trains have many advisories: station service advisories, service advisories to name a few. The announcements are meant to help commuters with service announcements that impact all riders for more than 10 minutes. All other announcements are left to the discretion of the train operator. (I will have to write about that one day). I was especially attentive at the time, for rains can mean delays. So, every time it crackled, I sat up and listened attentively.

But I need not have worried for I heard notifications such as:

This is a service advisory from the Bart Operations Control Center. All elevators in the Bart system are now functioning. Thank you.

This simple message is delivered with static in a sort of dead metallic voice. But really now – is it an announcement when all elevators in the Bart system are functional? As though reading my thoughts, there was another one about non-functioning ones:

This is a Bart Station Advisory. The elevator in the 19th Street station is out of service. Thank you.

To me, this announcement was as useless as the one that said every one of them was functioning. What were people to do on the 19th Street station?

Incidentally, there is never an announcement about escalators being off, which is quite another thing that folks are interested in. There are about 200 steps to climb from deep down in the bowels of the city to the surface. The escalators are hypochondriacs and put their hands to their heads dramatically every alternate day and sulk. It is never a pretty sight. I cannot tell you the number of times I see people groaning as they make their way up 200 steps. It feels like 2000 and the gratification is minimal. It is not like there is a temple up there or that you will have gained an inch towards your spiritual journey as these hilltop temples proclaim.

Will escalator malfunction help attain Moksha?

Where was I? Temples, stairs, elevators..oh yes, service announcements, storm. Right. During this time, the service advisories were busy static senders. Elevators are working. Elevators are not working. Mind you, through it all, my co-passenger snored, and I dutifully re-directed my attention from my reading to listen for any potential delays.

Then, with little warning, the train stopped at a station about mid-way to my destination and it fell to the train operator to announce something and get us all out of the train: Something-something, then something about a tree, and the storm, and some other thing and then apologize for delay and then some mumble-tumble. The whole thing caused a bunch of folk to look at each other and say, “What-didde-say?”

“What? No – you didn’t hear either?”

Oh well. Then the train sent a collective shrug and set about doing whatever-it-is people do on the train.

A few incoherent announcements later, we pieced things together and realized that we were going to have to leg it home, for a tree had fallen strategically across the tracks.

The shock is deep I tell you. I mean, for a person, who sets aside everything she is doing every time to see whether anything useful comes out of the announcements, there was nothing preparing me for this. Nothing.

I decided that the time had come to wake my neighbor from his slumber and I climbed the octave ladder with my ‘Excuse Me’s’. Somewhere before I reached Opera-ic frequency, he woke. His eyes opened with a thud and he looked like a tree had just crashed across his path in his dream. I gave him a moment to compose himself and then gently told him that a tree had indeed crashed our path. “Eh?” he said. I told him about the tree that decided to attain the spiritual end to its time on Goddess Earth across the train tracks and the trains were cancelled.

“Whaddowenow?” he said

I practiced my shrug again.

All elevators are now functioning in the Bart system said a service advisory. I smiled. Glad to have that problem sorted out.

P.S: Incidentally, I am just adding to the rich culture of symbolizing trees and spirituality. See here on 800 Years of Visualizing Science, Religion, and Knowledge in Symbolic Diagrams:

The Book of Trees: 800 Years of Visualizing Science, Religion, and Knowledge in Symbolic Diagrams

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Taming the Ego

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