Nourish-n-Cherish

I may have to acknowledge my brother-in-law’s prophetic powers here. Last year, during their visit to the US, I had blogged a post called ‘Children of Heaven’. The blog drew attention to the shoes my nephew purchased. They were football shoes for heaven’s sake. Of course, we all tried rationalising with him that football shoes may never be used by him. He enlisted my brother-in-law’s support and got himself Nike football shoes.

A whole year has lapsed since. Here is what my sister had to report from Dubai:

You know Siddarth is not ‘into cricket’ these days ‘coz it stinks’! The ‘cool dudes’ are ‘more into football these days’ ! I think the ‘these days’ started soon after the World Cup…the Ronaldo…Ronaldino types started with all those appalling hair styles. Siddarth only wears sleeveless T-shirts nowadays to show off his ‘biceps’ and he eats every meal only for his ‘biceps’!!!

Yesterday, he was making lists in every scrap of paper in the house….he called it ‘Team Planning’. There were phone calls being made and received from all the ‘dudes’ the whole afternoon and heated discussions were on. I usually do my best to ignore all this unless it gets out of hand and I find it difficult to live in the house..! Then I called and enquired…all hell had broken loose!

Here is the narrative :
Siddu : Amma,you know Pranith? Okay…he is the football hunk of our class and he was the captain of our team!
Me : What ‘team’ are you talking about? I thought athletics practice is going on in school now for the Sports Day?
Siddu : Yeah…that’s going on, Maaa- that’s the first thing we do every morning before class! These are football matches…are you going to listen to me?
Me : Oh…I will listen…go on.
Siddu : Can you believe what Pranith did yesterday? Something real daft!! He went and scored a goal for the opposite team!! He actually ‘sent the ball into the goalpost for 6B’ !! Isn’t that real dumb?
Me : Yeah…I guess it is quite dumb!!! So what happened?
Siddu : The whole team said ‘ Down Down Pranith’ and pooed him out of being the captain! Dumb Pranith!
Me : Ummmm….then…
Siddu : Usually whichever dude is the VC ( Vice Captain!!) gets to be the captain,right??
Me : Yeah right.
Siddu : This silly dude is Pranith’s pal and turned the post down! So all the guys voted me to be the Captain! So the great Siddarth is the Captain of 6A!!!!
Me : Oh! Good. That’s why you are so busy, is it?
Siddu : Yeah…I need to plan the team before tomorrow’s match, right! The Centre Forward,Mid Forward the Defender, Goal Keeper…do you know all this at all??
Me : No da…I don’t know much about football!Siddu : You are such a bore, maa! One day when I have time…I will teach you!
Me : BTW, Siddu when is the match?
Siddu : Everyday,Maa..we play 6B every day during the break!
Me : Oh…who conducts these matches?
Siddu : Us! But ‘football sir’ gave us a ‘thums up’ so that the school team gets stronger!

She then reports that this whole match thing is the break time play of these dumsies, and that there is a big gang mafia going on in the break time!

I wish I were around to see some of these “matches”!

Did you know I was a radio star? I have performed a few times on the All India Radio (I meant that to sound pompous) Before you go and start searching for my name in the halls of fame, let me put it in context. There is only 1 important characteristic in all those programs. Nobody can make out that it was me. The only way one could have guessed is by listening to the announcement prior to the program proclaiming my name in the list of students performing.

To be fair to my father, he recorded one event. When he rewound the tape and listened to the program again, he figured it would be enough to just retain the announcement section, since the rest of the program could have been performed by anybody. So, he promptly used the tape to record M.S.Subbulakshmi songs when he got a chance. It would have been nice to have the announcement proclaiming my performance followed by MS singing. Tut Tut….That was not to be: the announcement got over-written too.

So my claim to fame is solely by word of mouth. It goes like this: List of students in today’s program: Subashini, Venkat, …………., Saumya,……!

I was a versatile performer. I sang at times(never solo lest you start bad-mouthing AIR), and some other times performed in skits. The school stationery manager stepped forward gallantly and mentioned that he had left an illustrious career in the theatrical industry to serve the school, and therefore he should be the person who provided the background music skits. We nodded and the practice sessions started.

To state it as mildly as possible, the background music was HORRENDOUS. Every place in the play where you think some quiet would do, there was music blaring. Some other places where mild music would have done the trick, we had garish music making us shout out every line in order to be heard over the music. I would not call the program a fiasco, but there were no folks waiting outside for autographs. The highlight of all this drama was the lunch we ate at Annapoorna restaurant in Coimbatore (Plus: the day-off from School to drive down to Coimbatore, perform and get back)

There are times in my life when I envision my life as a movie, and there is background music. So I see myself cooking *Sax playing mildly indicating a chef’s beauty being developed* Never mind that I am making Rasam and vendakkai curry. It provides spice in my life! The washing clothes, folding them section gets a banal harmonium. Playing with my daughter and taking her on walks gets melodious flute accompaniment.

I have worked hard at directing my life, so why not revel in my role as music director?!

I know why the US starts wars in far-off lands.

It is a place to groom future presidents.

X: I am going to contest the presidency
X’s much older opponent Y: Which wars did you fight in huh? Come on you! Tell me which war you fought in?
X: None
Y: NONE!!!!
X: But…but there were no wars for me to go to.
Y: Well..too bad. There is no metric to measure your patriotism. I went for the War in Dracola Land. I know the pain and suffering and I would like to use this office to make the world a better place to live in. So you’re out!

Archana made me think. Now when you get an email stating your head will blow up in a thousand pieces if it is not forwarded to all your friends, I belong to the class of people who test the limits of the email, and co-erces my friends into collecting the shards of my fractured skull if that email were true, and promptly deletes it.

That said, I will say some things about myself only because it made me think. But please respect my opinion that I do not want to tag other folks.

! I admire creativity. Any job done with a flair of creativity gets a mental pat on the back from me. For the same reason, I love to read, dance and sing. I am…well was…..a Bharatnatyam dancer in my “hey-days” as I like to call it (Said with a jaunty look and a look of the glazed one looking fondly upon their past with a nostalgic tinge.) As for the singing, I am very creative with lyrics, and have found on several occasions that the latest Tamil movie songs have my lyrics in them. I should be a little more guarded while singing in public I guess. Too many copyright violations of late (Kunju kutty – dam-pu-chik, pattu kutty dam-pu-chik. Amma kutty – thanga laalee! My daughter loves these songs of mine, and looks like Kollywood is lapping it up too!)

@ My folks tell me I am very determined (Well… their words are not exactly these, but I am an optimistic soul, and so “determined” I am!)

# I reminisce about pleasant memories, and thank my stars for the wonderful life I have (family and friends) I adore to spend time with my family and friends.

$ I am passionate about anything I take up, and from there stems point (@) I guess.

% Travelling is great fun, and I have my father to thank for making me love people and places. Every school holiday, off we went gallivanting around the country. I see now that he really did think it an important aspect of education, and therefore, did not hesitate to spend for vacations. I can think back about every vacation we had (well almost all – if you discount those we went when I was too young to remember)

^ I was brought up in the beautiful Nilgiris with bountiful nature for company. My parents were both teachers, and we grew up inside the school campus. The most beautiful place I have ever seen. It is a tiny place (the School nestles in 800 acres of its own land), and every vacation was spent in adventure trips exploring the hillsides! College in Coimbatore, and thereafter the software industry it is for me. I now work as an analyst in one of the most beautiful cities in the world.

& I love to learn new things, and believe that the more you learn, the more exciting life becomes.

* I detest hypocrisy. So when I look at hypocrites, I play the fun game of guessing their actual thoughts, and then process their thoughts through a very defective prism, and imagine how distorted the image must be in order for them to say what they did. So, if I were to hear about the great beauty of a garbage can, I spend precious moments trying to figure out the various adverbs they might have used…and well…you get the drift!

( I was hoping that use of the special symbols would make it easier to say 9 things about me. Seriously, it is not helping! It really is too much to say 9 things about yourself!

Now that I have shed the burden of responding to the tag behind me, I shall continue on with my posts without procrastinating!

The author lives in California with her husband and 2-year old, both of whom she loves way beyond words can say.

It is Navarathri, and I can imagine the festive frenzy in India now. Lakshmi Puja and Saraswathi Puja will be performed in every single home. Come to think of it, even now, I always put a coin in a purse (even if empty and stowed).

I was musing on these very thoughts on my way back from lunch, and stopped in my tracks at a seemingly normal gesture. Two men, dressed in business casuals and evidently working in the city, threw their one-cent coins on the street, like people sometimes throw trash, and moved on with not even a second glance. I was somehow disturbed. Why could he not have given to the numerous homeless? Or simpler still, dropped the cash in the donation jar kept almost at every counter?

I hesitate to throw out usable clothes, and try my best to donate them whenever possible. I guess our thinking is just ….well “different”!

I was reading DilbertBlog on the stifling airport procedures and couldn’t help this post! A fortnight ago, we had been to Alaska with friends. Apart from losing a small perfume bottle to airport security, I emerged unscathed.

Beyond the security gates lies a hungry explorer’s haven. Pretty soon, we were tucking into a dish from every restaurant. I’ll spare you the details of our mastication, but suffice it to say that we were stuffed beyond belief. That was the time I got pondering on pants with extendible button loops. (I shall save this for another post)

To settle the turbulence in our stomachs before our red-eye flight, we bought a large bottle of water. We neared the gate, and guess what? No bottled water aboard. The whole thing ticked my friend off in no small manner, and he insisted we finish the water before boarding the flight. Don’t ask me why we humoured him, but we did! We drank, and drank till we had to force a bathroom break to make more room for more water. We boarded throwing out the empty bottle, and taking in the full bladder.

At this point in the narration, I would like the reader to take note that airline seats don’t function well with squirming passengers. Pretty soon, we had frowning passengers with all the creaking of the seats. The seat belt sign was still on, and the bladder was sending urgent signals to relieve the built-up tension in the there. Barely had the seat belt sign turned off, when we made a beeline for the loos. Once inside, the slow and steady release of tension was sheer bliss (to be experienced to comprehend the full extent of relief!)

Sometimes, security measures don’t consider the irrationality of folks drinking up a gallon of water before boarding, and that’s why it is so inconvenient!

She felt sleepy: She stared into her boring face as she narrated the incident. It was impossible to not think of how lifeless her good story sounded just because she was looking into her eyes. There was nothing there, and she found her thoughts wandering to how her life partner must feel.

A few days later, she showed her a photograph of her lover, and she saw her partner’s boring eyes looking up at her. She felt sleepy.

The missiles were landing continuously. One even hit the window hard. Everyone looked up startled – we thought these were times of peace – where were these coming from? The shopkeepers stepped out, and spent a silent moment pondering who will muster the courage to stop this attack.

All eyes were fixated on a six year old boy with mischief writ large on his black eyes, and a large pebble in each hand. As he aimed and threw a larger stone this time, he gleamed with pleasure and looked around for accolades. There were none forthcoming, and the poor boy, in his mistaken stake at fame continued with renewed vigour. The saloon owner stepped forward and “Ahoy”-ed the boy, and said:

“Can you stop doing that please? Thank you!”

The boy said “Sure”, and simply changed the direction of his stone-rain.

I could not help thinking of the same situation in India. Fat chance the boy would have got a “Please” and a “Thank you” in the same sentence for his deed! He would most probably have had an assortment of expletives muttered before being asked to cut it out! But, the point is this: the boy listened, and the fact still remains that an adult did manage to stop a boy from pelting stones at his shop window.

Just the vast difference in the manner it was handled was interesting to note.

Life always gives everybody moments to cherish and nourish. I am sure most call-center representatives talk to customers with a gargantuan effort to stop from splitting their sides at our stupidity. Today, I have the supreme satisfaction of livening up a family’s dinner table with my knowledgeable call to my cell-phone’s customer service.

I have a cell-phone with keeps blinking to my face that I have n voicemails. I tried telling it, that I KNOW I have n voicemails, I just can’t retrieve it! My voicemail has been password protected (and my password works no longer) to ensure that nobody else retrieves my voicemails. I am trying to think of one person who is interested in messages left for a pearl-aged mother of a 2 year old, and draw a blank.

After a couple of indignant phone calls from my friends who had to repeat the message again, since I had no method of listening to their winding messages, I called customer service, and it went like this:

She: Sure Ma’am. Resetting your password should be easy to do.
Me: Gee….thanks

A minute later, she said I am all set.

I breezed into the voicemail, and the automated conversation took an ugly turn:
VM: Please enter your password
Me: —-#
VM: Please enter your password — in a more indignant tone, but that’s entirely my perception
Me: —-#
VM: Sorry you are having trouble, please try again later. Beep.

The blasted thing just blew me off! Perseverance thy name being me, I persevered.
I huffed and puffed, and called customer service again. Several calls later (Both to customer service and my VM), I was getting more and more piqued with the utter callousness with which the system cut me off while I was interacting with it.

The system kept cutting me off on my face. I pick my battles, but this one was rubbing itself on me the wrong way. I was ticked off, and intended to show it a piece of its own abyssmal behaviour. So, I called VM, and when it asked for the password, I disconnected – Ha Ha!!

Throughout this drama, I had Mike sitting on the other side displaying a remarkable restraint from popping out of his chair and laughing. I know what his family hears at the dinner table tonight!

PS: I still can’t access voicemail, so, don’t bother leaving me a message!

I.D.Iot was a proud man. His single contribution to the world of Science was purely unimaginable. He had a series of startling discoveries to his credit, and his genius mind had put every single grain of truth to use to change the world in the most remarkable way. I.D.Iot prided himself on his thoroughness and had painfully documented every startling discovery in his vaporizing sheets. The idea behind these vaporizing sheets was simple. He help the passkey phrase, and on whispering the passkey phrase to soap bubbles, the sheets would appear – a ton of information regarding atoms, elements, wormholes, time warps and what-have-you.

I.D.Iot was around for generations. He had mastered the art of travelling to the planet near a black hole where time barely passed, and consequently aged slower than most mortals. He was an amiable man with a humble demeanour, and his intentions were always noble. He had in him, as much knowledge to destroy as to create. He never once thought of destruction. He was considered God by virtue of all the above.

Now he lay dying. His time was up. He was tired and could not muster the energy to take up the time travel to rejuvenate himself. He had wanted to pass on to his most trusted follower access to all his learnings. His memory was failing him – but he knew the key to the vaporizing sheets had to do with the theme that “Everything was made up of atoms”, and that’s what he muttered when he died.

His disciples tried hard to get the sheets, but failed. Instead of using the knowledge they had from I.D.Iot, they spent time trying to retrieve his work. Time passed and only the mantra got passed down from generation to generation: none of the knowledge.

The idiot mantra was unquestionable.

The querulent few who did question what atoms were made of were quickly rebuked as mavericks and the world settled into a state of knowledge inertia. What we don’t know can’t hurt us. IDIOT was there to protect the world.

And so it goes, till another Renaissance was born.