News – Page 17 – Nourish-n-Cherish

Chocoleg Law Enforcement

It was one of those days when I was beginning to ask myself why we have made life more complicated in an effort to make it simpler. I was just tutting and clicking my tongue when I saw this news article. This child wrote a letter to the Vice President with a possible solution to the gun control problem. He suggested making bullets of chocolate.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/14/joe-biden-letter_n_3271533.html

How marvelous! It need not be chocolate, but it could be bullets of a different nature: a stinger rather than a killer. The bullets of the killing kind can only be obtained in limited quantity after intense background checks and so on.

If chocolate bullets work, why not Lego blocks in police chases?

Imagine this scary criminal heading out. He is prepared: his car is ready and he grabs his gun. He decides on wearing his vibrams since it ought to help him if it comes to a chase on foot. Of course, he hopes there will be no chase at all, but hopes and dreams turn out quite different from real life. This criminal is about to learn this hard truth very soon.

After the deed is done, he sees that his worst fear is coming true. The police cars are clobbering him. A hot chase later, a patrol helicopter appears on the scene and it starts raining down Lego blocks.

http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-57572674-1/lego-spill-tangles-up-west-virginia-highway/

There is no way for the car to maneuver. What does he do? What does he do? He glances at his feet in desperation. The vibrams. That is what he must do, he has to go for a run.

The Scary criminal laughs and grabs his gun to take off on foot and what happens?

OUCH! Running on lego blocks hurt man! Ask any parent who has trod on the things at the middle of the night, and they’ll tell you. Left with nothing to do, he whips out his gun and starts shooting. For a second he is triumphant and then realizes that the gun has done nothing but spurt a fountain of chocolate.

“FATE!” he exclaims and throws down his gun as he stubs his toe on a Lego block of hideous proportions.

The criminal is caught and the watching populace cheer at the ingenuity of the operation.

Give a few minutes for a heli-based giant vacuum cleaner to suck up the lego blocks and spray water on the chocolate rivers to wash off the cars and life is beautiful once again.

Do you see any problems with using chocolates and legos for preliminary law enforcement? I quite like the idea.

3D Arguments

I often see people at meetings, lunches, trains and restaurants looking down and screwing their otherwise normal eyes into weird angles while concentrating on their phone screens.

Looking down and looking intent achieves two purposes in public:

1) Look important : I am sorry, did I just miss something? That should be okay because I was catching up on something else and if the something trumps the s.else that I just missed, I am sure I will know when I am looking at the phone in the next meeting what?

2) Look busy: Thanks to modern technology, one has time-wasters at one’s tips. There is Facebook, Twitter and Google Plus and then there are the myriad apps for news and games. All of these allow people to zone out from their current surroundings.

As if this were not enough Samsung is looking to introduce transparent flexible 3D screens. We can look straight at people, and give them the illusion of listening to them, while the TV screen flashes in front of you. I wonder how old couples’ quarrels would like when this becomes commonplace.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2070741/Samsungs-transparent-flexible-screen-3D-real-looks-like-touch-it.html

Of Whales, Monkeys and Bindis

I know what I am about to say can be taken the wrong way. But are we really better than whales or monkeys?

For a people that prides itself on its culture and spends hours touting its alleged superiority, Indians seem to have come in behind whales and monkeys when it comes to embracing more people into our culture. I can’t tell you the number of times the Indian cultural police have hit the headlines complaining about the influence of the Western culture on the modern youth. Yet, when the modern w. youth does adopt one of the Indian cultural practices, what did they do?

I am referring, of course, to a slightly dated story on Selena Gomez sporting a bindi. I spent a good portion of my life being pulled up by random aunts, uncles, not to mention my dear mother about not sporting a bindi.

This cartoon sums up the Bindi troubles of any South Indian Brahm lass (Got this from http://tambrahmrage.tumblr.com/ – I tried to find the link to this post, but couldn’t. Luckily I had sent it for laughs within my family a while ago)

So, I expected the news that Selena Gomez was wearing one to strengthen their position. I mean, all they had to say was: “It is even fashionable, you still don’t want a bindi?”

I expected the Indian c.police to namaste-her, make an example of her and what not. What they proceeded to do, instead, was ask her to learn of the deep cultural ramifications of the bindi and enlightened folks like me about how it is not a fashion accessory.

http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-style/news/selena-gomez-wears-bindi-for-4th-time-despite-controversy-2013254

I can see your eyebrows shooting past the bindi mark now.

Well, the news item I read had nothing to do with bindis. It has to do with how these species learnt cultural behaviors from one another and adapted to changing conditions. Bringing more to the fold was critical to adaptation.

http://phenomena.nationalgeographic.com/2013/04/25/on-copyca-whales-conformist-monkeys-and-animal-cultures/

Clearly, we are lacking there. Also, it was just cool to link the cultural adaptations of monkeys, whales and humans.

That also correlates with this study where Indians ranked near the very bottom of the pile of folks surveyed, they would much rather live near themselves than welcome racial ethnicity. Even when they wear bindis.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/worldviews/wp/2013/05/15/a-fascinating-map-of-the-worlds-most-and-least-racially-tolerant-countries/?hpid=z2

And so it goes ….

Despicable Me?

One time, we were waiting to start our hike at an unearthly hour in the morning. Typically, parking at the hiking spot tends to be a bit tight and we spend a few cycles trying to find parking. We watched sullenly as cars circled around the space and then made their way down-hill to park elsewhere. Then, a noisy bunch of people came and parked in the handicapped parking spot and piled out. At first we thought the kindly driver was dropping folks off and then was going to find a parking spot as the rest of the rambunctious party stretched themselves. But no. A bunch of solid people piled out of the car and all the solid people stretched on their solid limbs. The driver clambered out as well flexing his strong muscles and cracking his knuckles.

A bunch of hikers watching the whole scene unfold, kindly drew their attention to the fact that they were parked in the disabled spot. The knuckle-cracking driver said, “Oh don’t worry! I borrowed a disabled parking spot sticker and am planning to use it!” He then proceeded to look extremely proud of himself, like the most novel idea for the parking problem was his and he hung the disabled card before proceeding to crunch a few times.

My friends and I were shocked! I would have thought somebody who pulled a low trick like that would have the sense to be ashamed about it.

It turns out that it takes all kinds to make a world. I had dismissed the lot to the back of my brain till this news item brought them back to the foreground again.

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/manhattan/disney_world_srich_kid_outrage_zTBA0xrvZRkIVc1zItXGDP
http://www.cnn.com/2013/05/15/us/disney-skipping-lines/index.html

These rich people in NY hire disabled people for the day to take with them to Disneyland posing as family members, so they can cut lines and use the disabled access lines.

Now really! Come on! What is their favorite movie? Despicable Me?

Buggy Drivers

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have self driven cars as the norm. I would love to use the time towards things I enjoy more than driving. Reading, for instance, or writing. I spent the morning crawling across 5 miles that I could have run across in the same time. When this happens, the mind looks for options and what a beautiful option Science threw my way!

Some scientists in Tokyo got moths to drive a free moving polystyrene ball. I quote:
The moths would scramble, or dance, across the surface, moving the ball, which moved the vehicle.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/krulwich/2013/05/08/182312510/moths-that-drive-cars-really

“Awesome!” I thought to myself and read on. Already envisioning a larger moth at the wheel of my car while I lolled around in the back. I wouldn’t have to make conversation with the moth, I could even sleep! *Gasp* A smile was slowly coming across my face.

I had hardly gone past a few paragraphs with that smile when this put a stopper on my daydreams.

The problem is, they didn’t know they were driving. They are moths, after all. What they thought they were doing was zeroing in on a lady moth. Dr. Ando procured a supply of moth perfume, the pheromone scent of an aroused female, placed it at the end of a tube, turned on a tiny fan and blew the scent at the male.

I am not sure I would like to entrust my precious life to a moth who is more interested in showing off for the female species. I mean what if this moth smelt a tantalizing fe-moth in the ocean or flying t. moth above? Too risky if I intend to nap in the backseat, on the whole.

As a software engineer, I should have known to stay away from buggy drivers – sigh!

Google’s self driving cars seem to be a better bet for now.

Safety Pins in Parliament … Maybe?

Walter Hunt was goofing around one day with a metal wire. His head was deep in thought about the $15 debt he had to pay off. He bent it (the wire I mean) and molded it and by the end of the exercise had come out with the world’s most useful thing: a safety pin.

When Walter Hunt toyed around with a metal wire and got out a safety pin, he had no idea how many potential cabinet ministers would be affected by his invention.

http://inventors.about.com/od/hstartinventors/a/safety_pin.htm

Allow me to elucidate:
Any girl who has travelled by public transport in India knows the shame of being hassled by members of the male clan. Crowds spike their spirits as they fall on you, or grab at you. My constant companion through these horrible times was a safety pin. I would unleash the weapon on those whose intentions were not noble. A small prick would do. A sudden hiss and a sharp withdrawal often resulted. It was most gratifying because the prickee could not complain. What could he say? That he had been jabbed with a safety pin by a girl for touching her inappropriately?

While education was supposed to have made things better, clearly things have not improved. Television serials still show the end of every argument between man and wife stopping only with physical violence being inflicted on the wife. Movies still portray that harassing heroines is fine as long as a hero does it.

The rape case in the nation’s capital in December shook people out of their apathy. In reaction to it, the Indian parliament was forced to take action and came up with some laws. During the debate about the anti-rape bill, Sharad Yadav’s comment about girls drew flak: “Who amongst us has not followed girls?” he said to general laughter in the room.

http://www.indianexpress.com/news/sexist-sharad-yadav-says-who-amongst-us-have-not-followed-girls/1090506/

So just saying, I might have pricked some cabinet ministers too.

What is more disturbing? The cabinet minister’s comment or the laughter? Why didn’t someone poke the bubble with a safety pin?

When will we learn to treat others like we would like to be treated?

What is in a name?

He was at the age when digging one’s nose in the school grounds was not yet something to be ashamed of. Probably driven by the comfort level this accorded him, one of the boys picked up a frog from a pond, in the fond hope of adopting it as a pet. Pets, as my learning-to-debate daughter will tell you, can serve as great companions. Frogs have more sense than we credit them with, however, and made a swift escape that very night. But by then, he had acquired the name ‘Croaky’ and the name frogged him through college.

One may argue that his actions led folks to croak his name.

I have also seen parents play fiddle with their children’s futures by giving them unique names: Impressive names such as Lionel (changes to Looney) or Fourswarth (forsooth)

But to make a business of this: Maybe, I should just wait and watch to see the name being chosen for this child.

http://moms.popsugar.com/Mom-Lets-Strangers-Name-Her-Baby-5000-28286485?utm_campaign=com_digest&utm_source=com_digest_v4&utm_medium=featured_article

I quote:
Baby Ballot will create a list of baby names based on what’s trending and their sponsored advertisers, then post the final list of names online on March 18. Users worldwide will be able to choose one girl name and one boy name each from the list of names provided until March 22 when voting closes. The name with the most votes for each gender will be the name of Natasha’s future boy or girl.

I hope the collective wisdom of random jobless people on the internet will not lead this child astray.

The Ugly Sweater Party

In an effort to snap out of all the melancholy that set has set in, in the past week with brutal incidents and heavy reading, I looked for news other than the shooting and the gruesome and the inconsiderate. What drew my eyes was sadly this:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/13/doomsday-phobia-grows-china-december-21-2012-mayan-apocalypse_n_2292136.html?utm_hp_ref=weird-news

My nerves are weak I tell you. They can’t take the brunt anymore. 2012 was supposed to be the year. 12-12-12 was a huge anti-climax for those who fervently believed the Mayans and that Earth would vanish in a huge apocalypse. Now, these scary samaritans are going after 21st Dec as doomsday.

In the meanwhile, office parties and the holiday season is setting in like every other year. I love the holiday season in general. I usually get in the Yule-tide spirit and can be found ho-ho-ho-ing with my children in a fashion that has Santa drawing up his training programs on ‘Correct Laughing Techniques’. But does any of that make me cringe at laughing? Far from it. I draw inspiration from all the finger-pointing, keep a firm upper chin and continue smiling through the holidays.

I like themed parties in general, but this one went too far in my opinion. Everywhere I turned at work, there were these huge signs posted in purple.

JOIN US AT THE HOLIDAY PARTY

Event Dress Themes – Ugly Sweater!!!

Get in the holiday spirit by wearing an ugly sweater to work!

Bing something like this on me and my brain stores it somewhere for processing later on. I walked in to the office the other day, and there was a lady wearing a sweater I would positively recoil at if I saw it in a store. The sweater had large multi-coloured squares on it. Brown, yellow, mustard competed with pink, cream and red. Each box had a different pattern on it. You know the snowman and the mapel leaf and the snowflake and such.

Naturally, the fertile mind that mine is put two and two together and I asked her, "Oh! Is today the Ugly Sweater Christmas party?"
"No! That is not for another 2 days." she said. Clearly, this was one of her better looking sweaters that I slandered.

She pouted a bit and then sat there not saying a thing. All this not talking was making me quite uncomfortable.

"Oh! You were wearing a very Christmas-y sweater, so, I thought today was the Wear-your-Christmas-sweater-to-work-party." I finished meekly. But there was no denying that she had read the same sign up and down the office too and my attempt to water down "Christmas sweater" for "Ugly sweater" was not much of a success.

I muttered "Nice bright sweater!" and beat the retreat before I had the acorns plucked from her sweater and thrown at me.

Sigh! Next time, please just say Christmas Party won’t you?!

I hope this pain will one day be useful

Ever since I heard of the mindless violence inflicted upon Elementary School children, I have been really angry and sad.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-201_162-57559261/20-children-6-adults-killed-in-conn-elementary-school-massacre/

I was wondering how to address the topic with my Elementary School daughter and how to tell her that we will be there for her and that there are horrors in the world inflicted upon the innocent (without alarming her). This article tells us to use an age appropriate mechanism, but my husband and I were still not sure how to go about it.

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/health/2012/12/14/connecticut-school-shooting-what-to-tell-your-kids/

Finally, when we picked her up from School, we asked her in as casual a tone as possible whether anyone told her anything at School. Her answer surprised me. She became defensive and blurted: "But it was not my fault Amma. Nylan was the one talking to me. I was only listening to him, but my teacher thought I was talking and she turned my card over as a warning. Did my teacher tell you she flipped my card over for talking?"

Inspite of the fact that I had cried in outrage while ranting about the whole shooting incident at CT just a few minutes before, I couldn’t help smiling.
"So why did you not tell your teacher that you weren’t talking?" I asked her.

"AMMA! I can’t get him in trouble. I can’t tell-tale on him! So I just took the warning, but in the recess I told him not to talk to me when the teacher was talking." Apparently, the Code of the Elementary School Goers is quite rigid with respect to tell-tales.

As I thanked my stars for the ability to hear such a wonderful tidbit of her life in School, my heart went out to all those families and friends grieving for the loss of these children. The tale of the recess untold, the code of their friendships unraveled. May their souls rest in peace.

May their little souls also guide our misguided policy makers to make a decision that is not only right for the country, but for innocent lives everywhere. I hope this pain will one day be useful.

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/newsdesk/2012/12/newtown-and-the-madness-of-guns.html

perfer et obdura; dolor hic tibi proderit olim
(Be patient and tough; some day this pain will be useful to you.)

Walking on Water

You know how it is when you are growing up and folks (mostly parents, aunts and uncles) are always telling you about how life in their day was stern and earnest. The ‘You-youngsters-have-it-easy’ theme was an all-time favorite. They would gas on about how education was something they loved and why we should not be complaining about how easily education is served on a platter to us. How in their day, they had to walk across the town and then catch a bus that had no seats or fuel(sometimes): all to get to a school, that did not have teachers or roofs?

I always envied their stories. Because the most I could tell my children was that I had a wonderful childhood. It was true that it rained 10 months a year, but that was not nearly as bad as it sounds. When young, splashing in the rain and singing songs while walking up and down the hills was really not tragic. (I’ve tried the martyr theme with this and it fell flat, because I could not keep the glee of the good-old-days from my voice)

Which is why I am almost jealous of this class of students. Imagine this:

Septuagenarian Great Uncle: Youngsters these days! Pah! In our day ….
Kid: Huh? Telling me something grandpa? (unplugging music from ear)
Septua. Great Uncle: Grunt! Humph! You youngsters have no idea about the kind of lives we led. The perils we had to face in order to procure an education. There we would be waiting for the bus to come to the village. There would be a bus only once every 2 hours. So, if we missed it, we had to walk to school over 1.37 miles away. How long to stand for the bus?
A sound like a whistle of steam escaping a tea-pot draws the attention to the wistful sigh that the uncle just let go.
Kid: But you told us you whiled away time playing marbles at the bus-stop.
S.G.U.: Well…yes! But only while waiting for the bus. And when the bus did come, do you think we could waltz in and sit on the seats?
Kid: Why would anyone waltz into a bus, unless you are performing the bus-boarding-scene in a Broadway show?
S.G.U: *Completely ignoring the smart observation regarding buses and waltzes* Then…we had to study really hard. The homework we had was meant to make us think. Not like you – having free time to listen to music and not studying.
Kids: Really?! So you had to play with marbles while you waited and had a bit of homework, but did you have to walk on water for your homework?
That is our assignment you know?
S.G.U: What?
Kid: Our assignment: Walk on Water.

http://www.heraldextra.com/news/weird-news/weird-news-fla-students-walk-on-water-for-class-assignment/article_bc80890c-29ed-11e2-9c5d-001a4bcf887a.html

Ha! I could pay to capture the expression .. Sigh!

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