I normally ignore marketing calls or deflect them with dexterity. But one day, I got stuck. I was feeling particularly lethargic after a largish meal and sitting out in the garden thinking of this and that – you know musing on life. One of those rare days that life awards you, and in this weakened state, the telemarketer caught me. The hound.
He told me I might die any instant and that by not insuring my life for an additional amount, I am doing my family a grave injustice. It seemed a bit unlikely. I mean, I was sitting under some very large trees, but there did not seem to be much of a storm about to dislodge them from the soil and crash them on me just then. Moreover, I told him I already had insurance. It did not seem to deter him. He just went on, about how it would cost me nothing, and all I had to do was die. I didn’t like the strain of this talk, and told him I wasn’t interested. He increased his level of whatever-it-was he was trying to do, and I increased the strength with which I resisted his efforts. Neither budged, neither gave in. We circled each other at that perfect stance that boxers reluctant to throw that first punch do. Our words were our punches, though I cannot claim to infusing any sort of variety into my comebacks. They were all variations of “No thank you, I am not interested right now.” As you know there are only so many ways one can say that sentence, and my patience was starting to wear thin.
I could not use the technique of not knowing the language, since I had already explained in perfect English that he was being a relentless hound, and he would be better served if he diverted his energies elsewhere. Finally, when this fellow refused to give up, I asked him with all the remaining reserves of energy left in me, if I could ask him a question. I felt him gloat on the other end. Finally. He had elicited my interest, and now all he had to do was close the deal and get the fat commission check and go home basking in his triumphant glory.
“Do you like dogs?” I asked.
“Yes…” he drew out his response. Unsure and wondering where the conversation was going. The very effect I was going for. Serves him right – he isn’t the only one who can gloat.
“So, as long as I am polite, you will not relent is it? Is that how it works? Because if that is the reason, I can just say something rude about dogs and end this conversation for both of us right now. Quick and painless…”
Do you know what he did when I asked him this? He chuckled and giggled like a pup caught in the act of chewing the carpet. I have already called him a hound and compared him to a puppy, so I find it a bit unfair to compare him to any other animal now, but I am sorely tempted. At least he had the decency to hang up soon afterward, but left me wondering for a few minutes. I mean what a job to be trained to make otherwise polite people impolite?
A slight breeze shook the tree overhead and I scrambled indoors. I didn’t want to tempt fate just yet.
12 thoughts on “Of hounds, pups and fate”
My favorite take down:
A realtor called me thrice and ask me if I wanted to sell the home. I said “no” twice and hung up, didn’t work.
The third time.
“We are the best realtors in the area …”
“We sold the house round the corner for $30k more than list …”
5 mins later.
“Just one thing”
“I am not sure my home owner would agree. You know, I rent this place”.
I didn’t hear from him after.
Gosh….that is funny! Would have loved to see the house owner’s reaction to that!
Do you like dogs!!! Way to unsettle a focussed creature! I should probably learn a thing or two from you. For some reason people in England think only victims of accidents sit at home on weekdays and I am offered compensation for accidents I didn’t have all too often!
I might pull the dog thingy on them and see if they get it! 🙂
He he … better yet ask them if they have ever been injured and then walk off while they rattle!
I just say ‘Not interested’ and swiftly hang up.
You know….I do that if they breathe in between, but they seldom let you proceed….
I always say that I am the cleaning lady.. Pathetic, huh .. LOL 🙂 Hounds and puppies sounds like a good idea, though.. 🙂
Btw, check out my latest post. A nice video that you would like.Tell Sri, as well.
Cleaning lady, act like the little girl at home without mommy, dont know the language. How many ways, and yet they find you sometime or the other!
Super post ka! We are all in the same boat with telemarketers!!! I begged them, scolded them and tried everything I could before. But now, after losing a lot of energy due to my nausea and other stuff, you know what I do now, simply disconnect and console me with the words “One day will come that day I’ll see” (yenaku idhala sari agatum a pram vechukren da mavane!!!)you gave a great idea!!! I’ll keep that in mind 🙂
Take down all their numbers – call them back and give them a dose of their own medicine Gaathi!
LOL! You succeeded in hounding him out of the call!
Generally I sweetly tell them “Sorry my mommy is not home right now!”
That is so sweet 🙂